Quick and Easy Steak Recipe for Dads of Rapists*

(SATIRE)
I'll be honest. As a father of three kids and a full-time provider for my family, dinner plans during the week can be a challenge, especially nutritious meals. For me, that's when I turned to my mother's recipe book. You see no matter what I was going through as a kid, my mom always had a healthy meal prepared for me to pick me up when I was down in the dumps. Whether I was tired from practice or just 20 minutes or so of non-consentual drunk action behind a dumpster, moms always knew what I needed for dinner.

This recipe is a whiz and only takes a few minutes to prepare.

Ingredients

2 teaspoons canola oil
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt, divided
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 (1-pound) flank steak, trimmed
1 sprig of rosemeary (garnish)


Combine the salt and pepper in a small bowl and mix. Liberally cover the steak in the salt and pepper mixture. Really work it in like its a drunk sorority girl. And let sit on the counter about 20 minutes.
Heat the oil in a large skillet at medium-high heat. Wait for the oil to steam and add the steak. Cook both sides about 5-6 minutes each (depending on how you like it prepared: I like it medium, but your rapist kid might have a taste for something more raw). Remove from heat and let sit for about 5 more minutes of post-action cooling near a garbage can, because that's his weird thing.

To serve, Plate and garnish with rosemary and serve with pretzel chips and your beer of choice.

*Disclaimer: this is not making light of rape or anything else that happened. It's intent is to (through humor, laughing through the tears) shed light on the gross miscarriage of justice and the awful sense of entitlement and privilege that it came from.

Boo Hoo

Wow its been over a year and I don't really care. I was really getting irritated by the GLCC alumni site but the same intellectual vacuum kept sucking me back in. Oh well. What's new? I dunno. I finished N. T. Wright's simply Christian. It was a good general theology book. A good intellectual read.
I saw Ghost Rider. It sucked.
I'm watching 300 on Saturday at the IMAX if anyone wants to come with.
I rented Lady in the Water. I think that the critics were wrong. It was good, just not what you expected from M. Night Shamylon.

Geeked For the Grammy's

I care more about music than sports. Not that I don't like sports. But if you think in terms of the guys that know every statistic of every major sport and athlete in college and the pros--well I'm not that big of a fan. I don't read sports magazines, watch Sports Center or ESPN for that matter (unless the pistons are on). It is entertainment, just not my thing. I played sports and collected baseball cards. I am in a fantasy football league and I watch the Pistons and know who most of them are and what positions they play. I also know a little about the sport of basketball. But my dedication ends there.

I'm a real music fan though. I know most of the grammy nominees. I've heard most of the music that is up for awards and I found that I own more than 75% of the records or albums that are up for nomination in the rock category. Most of the instrument playing bands I own. I know a good deal about the hip-hop and rap categories (because I read about them). I know about as much about country music as I do about hockey (next to nothing). But I know most of the names of the albums of all the nominated artists.

Music is my passion. I wake up with VH1 playing (they actually have videos if you wake up early enough). I have MTV2 and some other alternative music stations. I have over 2500 songs on my hard drive (mostly ripped from CD's that I own). I love music. I read Rolling Stone and I enjoy talking to musicians about music they way that Sports Fans like to talk about sports and read Mitch Albom articles.

My friendship with Tom i think compliments me. He is a huge sports fan. He loves it. He likes to talk with me about sports. I learn about sports from him. I still don't know who the new lions coach is. But i like to learn. It's just not my passion. Tom likes music too, but I think he knows I like it more than him in the respect that I know who he likes and doesn't even if he's never heard of them.

I have music on my cell phone. If you leave a text message it plays "All the things that I've done" by the Killers. My ring tone is "Vertigo" by U2. If you call me up instead of that annoying fake ringing sound, you hear "Constantinople" by They Might Be Giants (remember Particle Man?).

When I buy a car I think about the acoustics, and sound system. I never check to see if AM radio works. AM radio is for sportsfans. I might be a bigger sportsfan if they could talk about it on FM.

What I'm trying to say is, I'd like a new iPod.

Which Brings Us to Our Word of the Day....

CREDIBILITY

So much of what I'm talking about is tied up in credibility, that is, the human standard by which we determine who is elligible for ministry.

I have a friend who recently decided to go into ministry. He was an Art major in undergrad, partied like a rockstar. He was a Christian, but he had morality issues in the public university. In my talks with him over the past 2 years I've seen him change. He loves God. He feels like he needs to do more with his life and feels a real pulling need to serve the Lord in His Church.

He is now enrolled in seminary and started classes on Wednesday. He isn't familiar with Theological Vocabulary or the many various hypotheses on pre-millennialism or post-millennialism. He couldn't debate his way out of a hat regarding baptism, glossolia, and couldn't quote a lick of Hebrew to you. He is so refreshing to me.

He was sitting in his class , The Gospels and Acts (sidenote: I even had to explain to him what the word "narrative" meant), and he was doing his best to keep up with the terminology but all he could notice were a bunch of oddly dressed nerds who were so into what they were debating that he felt that there was no way that any one of them would be able to reach someone like him, an outsider. I asked him if there were any guys in the class who were gay for their professors (cuz we all know that there are dudes who would go there in Bible college). They would sit there and talk all hour and be just absolutely fascinated with every word. They would argue and laugh at people who opposed their views and flaunt their spiritual masturbation.

I told him to listen to the words. But read up. Don't just swallow (another gay thing) every word that comes from your professor and don't just eat it up. There are plenty of guys who are willing to do that. He felt that not one of these guys could relate to an artistic, post-modern, secularly educated, young, professional, who has lived in the world from the world and of the world.

He feels like an outsider. That he doesn't belong to this elitist group of theologians. I'm glad for that. I know how many hours I've wasted thinking I was part of some elite caste of theology students. He feels like he may not fit in, but he's actually excited about that. I told him to get the information, to study other things other than what is recommended to read. He's behind and has catching up to do but he has the freedom to think outside the box he is feeding from.

He has a dream to reach lost people. If he gets too caught up in trying to impress his professors and colleagues then his effectiveness will suffer. I told him to stay in touch with who he is and stay in touch with his friends who are not saved. When he is released into the world to make new disciples, this will give him some real.....

CREDIBILITY.

Expecting: the Worst Possible Defense Mechanism

You know what? I know that getting back into ministry isn't going to be the easiest road in the world to walk. It's amazing, Getting into it in the first place was a cinch. I needed almost no qualifications other than a GLCC degree (which we all are aware of the infinite value of). Needless (or needles?) to say, I never expected it to be easy. As if I were going to make an announcement and the doors would just fly open "WELCOME BACK, BRANDON!!"

I look at my life now, and I know for certain that I'm a much better qualified person to do the actual "job" than I was five years ago. But I understand the circumstances of my personal failures don't add up to the "without fault" category of church leadership in some circles.

My personal belief is that because of my shortcomings and failures and the work I have had to do and the healing God had to do I am more qualified than I ever was before and have experience to help others that not many ministers have.

I like what Paul said in 2 Corinthians 1. Essentially he tells his followers in Corinth that he and his cohort have gone through all kinds of terrible things for the comfort of the church. I can give comfort because of the comfort I was given. It's great. I can point hurting people to the healing I experienced (and the healing I'm still in need of).

One thing through my whole experience is that I found that the church I was in (granted it was only a megachurch of 6000 members with over 500 staff members) really didnt have the resources to adequately "deal" with my problem. I was embarrassed, hurt, confused and I felt abandoned by my church friends. Now that I seem to be on an upswing emotionally, and on more solid ground, do my church friends and family try to approach me. I think negative hurt dark Brandon scared people. He scared me.

Anyway. Older. Wiser. and Way more interesting Brandon is here for good. Holla.

Dusting off the Blogshelves

Hey, I know it's been a while, but here I am. I found something to write about. I left off with a vague and bleak look at reality. My intent for the blog was to be completly honest whenever I wrote in it; to hold nothing back no matter how real it was in the moment I was writing it. I'm glad God can handle it. I appreciate most of the responses (except the spams). You will never get a church answer in this blog. "My life is great" (fake smile and out the door). I am just trying to encapsulate the reality of what's going on in my life.

With that in mind, I came across a few different thoughts recently that made me think. Maybe they will make you think. I think so.

First up. I just read a book by Robb Bell. Velvet Elvis. Ironically, the book had nothing to do with Elvis or the fine Mexican art of painting on black velvet canvasses.

It was about God, Bible, Jesus.

It was inspiring. I liked it because it wasnt canned. It was raw. It was exciting because it was controversial AND true.

The format catered to the Attention Deficient Gen Xers and unders. (it was easy and thoughts were broken up conversationally).

I just kept saying "yes, that's true" over and over.

It made me get up. Stretch a little. Think hard. It made me proud to be honest and say things like "innocence is the lie that...." you know the rest.

Part of the reason I wrote that was because it was such a quotable line. It didnt really get the reaction I was looking for. I'm still certain that lost innocence is enlightening. Wasn't knowledge of good and evil knowledge?

Innocence is rarely lost. It's usually given freely. There are horrifying circumstances where it is taken, for sure. That is the exception. I am becoming more keenly aware of the difference between innocence and ignorance. If you pretend not to know something it doesnt mean you are innocent. If you wonder if... well you know.

Innocence cannat be atttained if you have sinned. Its a weird duality. The ultimate reality is innocence, of course. It has to be. For that is how I am in Christ. However, I would be a fool to think that I have become innocent in my flesh and mind. I still need healing. Only a fool would think otherwise.

But, I have to admit, exploring my darkness really opened my eeyes to my own deeper darknesses. I'm a lot more forgiving, a lot less judgmental, and a thousand times more gracious and thankful for my salvation than I have ever been. Who knows? Maybe He's softening me up for something.

My divorce is final. I've been attending a megachurch for some time. A megachurch is a great place to be, especially if you need to be alone. And I needed to be alone.

But that time is over. I'm not tired anymore. I am called still (unfortunately for the church) to do something more eternally eventful with my life. My period in the desert is over. It's time for me to get off the bench and get back in the game (in whatever role the coach PLACES me).

So, peace out. I'll be back later.

This vague darkness...

I was going to make a post about all the movie remakes. I was going to vent about how frustrated I was with the lack of creativity in hollywood writing and the degeneration of the art form. But I read what I was writing and was completely disinterested.

What moves me? I liked Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and I liked War of the worlds. I actually liked all the movie remakes (that I saw). Who has time to whine about movies? I don't.

I have to move. My roommate of one year is selling the house. I am homeless again. But I'll say this for the record: I will not--not for one minute--miss those filthy animals that contaminated that house.

The deck seems stacked against me. The losing hand keeps being dealt. Maybe I should stop thinking about life as chance. I should find the purpose of losing all the time. As if. Maybe I should smile more and be more cheerful so others around me feel better. Maybe I should give a rip.

You know those people who are so nice? They seem so sweet and innocent and cheerful. The darker side of me wants to slap them. Shake them up and show them some reality. At what cost? The illusion of innocence. Reality sucks. Innocence is the lie that keeps people from facing reality. We try to keep people innocent as long as possible so that they stay positive. Positivity is inspiring and hopeful. And people who are neck-deep in reality need innocent hope once in a while. So we keep the innocent around. They have their use.

The thing is, once innocence is lost it is never recovered. The danger is letting the darkness of reality darken you. If you can maintain your light with the full understanding of how dark things really are, then you've got something. But you'll never know how dark things are until you've been darkened a little yourself.