Used

Ok, So I have this roommate. I love her as a dear friend. She is funny, creative, intelligent, and insecure in a humorous way. We are good friends and we talk a lot etc. Her boyfriend and I are really close friends, so don't even get any wild ideas.

One of the things I like about her is that she is sympathetic to my beliefs, and sensitive to what people say about Christians. She went through a phase of her life where she was born again and looks back on her early days in Christianity with fondness. I do not know about what kind of role Christ plays in her life now, but I know she believes.

Last night her little sister came over. To set this up, she is always going on about how every guy who wants to meet her little sister wants to have sex with her. She was really insistent that if I saw her sister in person, that I would want to seducer her and sleep with her. I maintained that would be a wild challenge that I would be open to facing (please, if you take that the wrong way, I will laugh at you).

So the sister comes over. She looks remarkably like her sister (my roommate) only dolled up a little more to appear more attractive. However, the powers that be (male hormones specifically) did not deem it necessary for me to be attracted to this girl. Her friend, however.... blog topic for another day.

The younger sister that I was supposed to be attracted to was telling a story about her 2 brothers, whom we will call brother A and brother B. Brother A had recently been given a Bible and was reading it. He was looking for God. In some of his reading, he found something waking up inside him. He confronted brother B while brother B was high on marijuana and told him that what he was doing was wrong. Brother B, in his state, found that to be hillarious.

Little sister thought that it was so funny that her older brother A had become "A Bible Freak". My roommate hates when people talk negatively about people's religious beliefs. To try to shuth her sister up and quiet her rampage against "Bible Freaks" she points to me and says, "Hold on, he's a Bible freak."

I was really conflicted on how to feel about that response, and how I should have responded. My roommate I know was not trying to insult me. She was trying to shame her sister about using that kind of terminology about her brother and in front of me.

I waved, fake smile in full force.

I felt used or violated for her doing that without my permission. I know she meant no malice. It just was weird. "Hi, I'm Brandon, your sister's Bible freak roommate."

I was never comfortable with the word "freak". When DC talk created all that hype about being a Jesus Freak, I didn't get on that bandwagon. I always figured that if I was going to be a freak, that would be my option. You don't have to be freakishly weird to love God. I still maintain that.

I also couldn't tell which bothered me more. Being called a freak by my friend or being called a freak in such a negative way in front of her attractive friend. Now the little sister was obnoxious, self-centered, and loud. Her friend was cute, and mild-mannered. A little more mature and wiser. Being called a freak in front of her obviously had negative results in any sort of impression I was trying to make.

Am I ashamed of the Gospel? No. Am I ashamed of the word, "freak"? Yes.

Later, my roommate apologized for using me to shut her sister up. I accepted her apology. Life goes on. It was just an interesting experience. I'm sure if I examine this closer, I will find other factors that made me respond the way I did.

I know it's cool in Christian circles to be insulted for Jesus. Its a badge of honor. But in this case, I don't think of myself as a martyr for Jesus. I think I was used as a tool to shut someone up who was bothering my rooommate. Martyrdom is for real persecution.

I like my Bible. I like Jesus. But this experience made me realize a lot about what Christians celebrate as persecution. Most of what we experience is not real persecution. It's just ignorance. It's not like people are taking our homes, killing our families and feeding us to lions. It's not like we are being Crucified with Christ. We don't have to go out of our way to piss off the world.

If we are proclaiming Christ with love real persecution will visit our doorsteps. We dont have to be obnoxious, snotty, or pedantic in our approach to the world. We can be polite. We can be civil. We can be courteous and reasonable. It's ok.

Often we are so afraid of rejection and humiliation that we present ourselves defensively, with bravado, and boldness where gentleness and civility would be more appropriate. When that bravado and offensiveness is rejected, we say they are rejecting Christ, when really, they are rejecting our hypocritical methods of presenting Christ.

That's all I'm getting at.

Brandon

Afficianado

I guess that the word is out. I am not that good at many things, but I do like to listen to a wide variety of music. Wider than most, but not so wide as to ever include Country. Ever. My neck is red enough without adding that ignorant artless crap to my forte. Am I speaking plainly enough?

For Switchfoot fans, I just saw a box CD at FYE of their first three albums for $24. Which means you can get it cheaper than that if you are keen.

Speaking of keen, I think my next purchase will be Keane. I enjoy their sadness. I am totally addicted to "One Click Shopping" on Amazon.com. I keep buying used CD's at ridiculously low prices and paying astronomical shipping for these products. I'm still making out like a bandit.

A true friend would want to buy me the new U2 signature iPod.

Am I the only one who's ever heard the Japanese version of Sixpence Nonethericher's "Kiss Me"? Talk about surreal and creepy.

Leigh Nash is cool, but not when she sings Japanese. It's so weird.

I bought the new Skillet CD. Its good. Its not life-changing good, but it's good. Its not really inspiring, but it's good. They sound like what Linkin Park would sound like if they didn't rap. Sort of. I don't know. Its solid hard rock, passionate, just not connecting with me deeply.

I got the new Jimmy Eat World CD. It is amazing. Right where I am. I preordered U2 and reordered The Joshua Tree (again on Amazon). I can't play my copy anymore so I needed a new one.

Since I can't find my Bible I went out and spent $30 on a new one. It is the first time in years that I've had a Bible without study notes. I am so happy. It's like I'm free of other people's opinions about what I'm reading. I can read it and just enjoy it. I don't have to listen to some half-rate Bible scholar's opinion about TULIP or eternal security or speaking in tongues or whatever. Clear the noise.

I saw Jimmy Eat World on Letterman the other night. They are so cool.

U2 will be On Saturday Night Live This weekend singing songs from the new Album. Needless to say, I'm excited. They are always good on SNL.

I got to hear Jay Z's black album. It was good. I got to hear it on the Gray album. Jay Zs vocals played over the Beatle's White Album. Another surreal moment. My friend, Betsy says that there is a Black and Blue album too. Where Jay Z's pirated vocals are played over pirated songs from Weezer's blue album. I guess that's what Jay Z gets for putting out an a capella rap album. Loser.

The New Pornographers are really growing on me. I keep hearing their songs on LAUNCH. They have guy songs and chick songs. And they harmonize. Yay! Still no porno. (keeps fingers crossed).

Talk to you guys later

Brandon

Gone

"My High School Dreams are Gone,
My Childhood Sweets are gone
Life is a day that doesnt last for long"

So if life is short, then why do I spend so much time bored out of my skull?

I take full responsibility for the things I don't blame others for. Yogi, you have my permission to steal that one.

Tom told me that if I spaced my words out, he'd have less of a difficult time reading them.

Switchfoot says everything is gone, or will be. I agree.

For so long I've compartmentalized my life. Spirituality for my spiritual life. Humor for the funny life. Great Lakes Friends. Work Friends. Jesus friends. Satan friends. Family. Enemies.

I realize now that I really don't have time to manage the separation. I hear this song and I reflect on what's gone and what isn't.

My high school dreams are gone. I get it.
My college dreams are gone.
My family dreams are gone.
My career dreams are gone.

Then I realized. Dreams aren't real. So what if they are gone?

What I've really lost are some close friends, my wife, my connection to anything.

Humility in small doses would be a welcome lesson. The Lord has really been generous in his doses of this magnificent reality. I've eaten my hero's portion of humility.

Why do I always feel like I'm one random thought away from depression?

I just want some safety. I should put together a resume. Like a friendship/relationship resume. What would that look like? Definitely an interesting topic. Maybe for a later blog. Skills, experience, education, job description. All that sort of thing.

Maybe I should post a job on monster.com. WANTED: a reliable, trustworthy friend within 20 miles of Detroit. Doesn't pay well, but the benefits are incredible!!!!

Just a thought.

Just In Time

I think I'm ready. Just when I think I'm ready, I have an epiphany. When I have an epiphany, i freak out. I'm not ready. Then I realize, I can't ever really be ready. I just need to do it.

I watched the movie, Adaptation yesterday. How amazing! I learned so much about life and myself from this movie. Watch it.

The character, Charlie Kauffman, has so many things in common with me it's scary. Mostly the things that keeps him from being happy and enjoying his life. His twin brother, Don is the character I wish that I was. I could see both sides of myself in these two characters.

Charlie was insecure, never sure of himself, always second-guessing, making sure his appearance was acceptable and good. He was always afraid of what people thought about him. Donald was a goof-ball, happy-go lucky sort who always had a smile and success came easily to him because he was so likable, even if people were laughing at him and not with him.

One thing Donald said was amazing though. He said that he was who he was because of who he loved, not because of who loved him. He owned his love. He didn't wait for people to love him first in order to love them. WOW! To a self-absorbed egomaniac like me, those words have a clanging power to them.

I can see how many friendships I've lost, how many interesting things I've passed, How many great experiences and opportunities I've missed because I was waiting for something like that to happen, instead of making it happen.

Charlie wondered why Donald would put himself out there so much. Didn't he fear looking stupid? What if people rejected him? Then what? Donald just said that those people had no right to take his love away from him. It was his to give. You see, its these things that so many people take for granted about love that Brandon tends to overlook.

I find myself in both characters. Some days I'm Charlie. Some days I'm Donald. I like myself more as Donald, but the cynical Brandon/Charlie is the dominant character.

Being elitist and intellectually superior has its moments, to be sure. There is definitely something satisfying in thinking that I'm better than other people. It's always come easy to me. But, On the other hand, my biggest fear is people thinking that I'm stupid. That is so paralyzing. It's lonely and being enigmatic is a cover for fear of being criticized.

It was amazing how cool this movie was. I liked it more than Being John Malkovich (I really liked that one too).

1001 Random Thoughts About Music Mostly

Oh, hi there neighbor. George Bush is our president for four more years. I hope that will put an end to the question of "Who do you think I will blame all my problems on for the next four years?"

Has anyone besides me pre-ordered their new U2 cd's? They had a really good deal on it at VH1.com or whatever.
It's called How to Dismantle An Atomic Bomb.

This I can put on the list of CD's I no longer need to purchase.

I can't really give you a review yet. I have not heard it. I guess you can say I put my faith in the U2 product enough to order it ahead of time. My Bible is Missing. AWOL.

Ironically, I was just listening to a band called the New Pornographers. You'll be relived to know that the song I'm listening to has no pornography whatsoever. I think it is their idea of a clever band name. The band is actually quite talented. If I was going to start a secular band I think I would have an excellent name for it.

The Barely Legal Teens. Or you could call it BLT for short. YOu would always find the records right next to the Barenaked Ladies. You may notice that the 2 band names have something in common: the word "bare" as a root word and the implication of something sexually perverse. Pure marketing savvy. For the kinky crowd, BLT sandwiches might also have that connotation. I am praying for you.

There was a point in time when saying that you were a fan of Belle and Sebastian (the band, not the half-rate anime cartoon from the 80s) was somewhat avante garde. I am declaring that time to be at an end. Move on.

Yesterday, my roommate was really annoying me. Imagine this scenario. We are both sitting on opposite couches and she has the remote as we face the television. She flips rapidly through the channels but waiting long enough to see what is on the screen.

If it was a basketball player, she would say something like "No yellow jerseys". next channel. "No kids with glasses" Next channel "No wet dogs" next channel "no jewish women" next channel "No green cars" and she flipped through the channels pretty rapidly. I even chimed in on a couple because the game was cute for a minute.

But she kept going. "No men with guns" next " No men with red ties" next "no italians" next "no white computers" next "no salesmen with jewels" next "no scrolling letters" next etc etc. The went on for like 10 solid minutes. How? I think she took some improvisation classes in college. She's pretty handy with the free association.

Living with my roommate is really cool. She is messy. She is annoying. But, beneath all that, she's absolutely hillarious.

Finally Her boyfriend pulled an intervention. He stole the remote and put it back on the Pistons Game. Good man.

Does anyone besides me like the Sneaker Pimps? I mean, beyond the name. The name is just cool enough to be likable. But the band is actually quite interesting.

I also like the Fountains of Wayne. what a cool name.

I apologize in retrospect for how random this blog is.

I think I would like Enya more if I had someone to be bored out of my mind with. But alone, its just a soundtrack to a depression.

Am I the only One that thinks Switchfoot's first CD was still their best one? If Shannon actually read this blog, I think he would agree with me. For those who are interested, it is calld The Legend of Chin. Cool name

I think I like My Chemical Romance. It's gonna take a few more listens for the jury to come in.

I'm gonna give more respect to Sunny Day Real Estate. They are a band from "my era" but I never paid any attention to them til recently.

When Rolling Stone said their 1995 self-titled CD was one of the most influential CD's of all time (other than anything recorded by Elvis, Hendrix, Dylan, Beatles, Stones, Zeppelin, or Nirvana) I had to give it a listen. They claimed that SDR were the forefathers of modern EMO and Screamo. I think I have to agree. You can totally hear where The Used, Finch, Thursday, TAking Back Sunday, Dashboard Confessional get their whiny vocals with cool guitars from.

Bjork is cool, but weird.

Third Eye Blind asked us "How's it Gonna Be?" I think we all know the answer at this point. Crappy.

Me First & The Gimme Gimmes covered the song Prince wrote for Sinead O'Connor, "Nothing Compares To You" but they did it with ska. Can I safely say that the whole ska thing has been played out?

The Insyderz covered the Cars Song "Just What I needed". That was actually kinda cool. YOu know why it was kinda cool? Because it didnt really sound like the Insyderz.

Would you laugh if I said I actually liked Brandy's new CD? Ok not enough to buy it, but I do like it.

If you like your music dark and peaceful, I recommend Interpol. Sigur Ros, The STills, Keane, and MOrcheeba.

If you like just cool. Then TRy Sloan, The Beta Band, The Tragically Hip, The Vines, Weezer or a thousand others. Like the New Pornographers.

I think honestly that Chevelle, even though they started out on a Christian Label, and you can still buy their cds at Christian Bookstores, are still a really cool band. The nicely replaced my need to listen to Tool. They are like a slightly less messed up version of Tool. But they have very similar themes and fits of rage.

Someone told me that they dont like the Hoobastank CD. The same person said they dont like the new Jimmy Eat World. I myself am not a huge fan of Hoobastank or the band they try to imitate, Incubus. I am disappointed to hear about the lack of love for JEW. Now I'm hesitant to buy this CD. Can we say file sharing?

I think the STereophonics are so cliche. Wilco is interesting again.

I wish I could get a job declaring what is cool and what isn't. I'd be pretty good at it.