(SATIRE)
I'll be honest. As a father of three kids and a full-time provider for my family, dinner plans during the week can be a challenge, especially nutritious meals. For me, that's when I turned to my mother's recipe book. You see no matter what I was going through as a kid, my mom always had a healthy meal prepared for me to pick me up when I was down in the dumps. Whether I was tired from practice or just 20 minutes or so of non-consentual drunk action behind a dumpster, moms always knew what I needed for dinner.
This recipe is a whiz and only takes a few minutes to prepare.
Ingredients
2 teaspoons canola oil
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt, divided
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 (1-pound) flank steak, trimmed
1 sprig of rosemeary (garnish)
Combine the salt and pepper in a small bowl and mix. Liberally cover the steak in the salt and pepper mixture. Really work it in like its a drunk sorority girl. And let sit on the counter about 20 minutes.
Heat the oil in a large skillet at medium-high heat. Wait for the oil to steam and add the steak. Cook both sides about 5-6 minutes each (depending on how you like it prepared: I like it medium, but your rapist kid might have a taste for something more raw). Remove from heat and let sit for about 5 more minutes of post-action cooling near a garbage can, because that's his weird thing.
To serve, Plate and garnish with rosemary and serve with pretzel chips and your beer of choice.
*Disclaimer: this is not making light of rape or anything else that happened. It's intent is to (through humor, laughing through the tears) shed light on the gross miscarriage of justice and the awful sense of entitlement and privilege that it came from.
