This vague darkness...

I was going to make a post about all the movie remakes. I was going to vent about how frustrated I was with the lack of creativity in hollywood writing and the degeneration of the art form. But I read what I was writing and was completely disinterested.

What moves me? I liked Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and I liked War of the worlds. I actually liked all the movie remakes (that I saw). Who has time to whine about movies? I don't.

I have to move. My roommate of one year is selling the house. I am homeless again. But I'll say this for the record: I will not--not for one minute--miss those filthy animals that contaminated that house.

The deck seems stacked against me. The losing hand keeps being dealt. Maybe I should stop thinking about life as chance. I should find the purpose of losing all the time. As if. Maybe I should smile more and be more cheerful so others around me feel better. Maybe I should give a rip.

You know those people who are so nice? They seem so sweet and innocent and cheerful. The darker side of me wants to slap them. Shake them up and show them some reality. At what cost? The illusion of innocence. Reality sucks. Innocence is the lie that keeps people from facing reality. We try to keep people innocent as long as possible so that they stay positive. Positivity is inspiring and hopeful. And people who are neck-deep in reality need innocent hope once in a while. So we keep the innocent around. They have their use.

The thing is, once innocence is lost it is never recovered. The danger is letting the darkness of reality darken you. If you can maintain your light with the full understanding of how dark things really are, then you've got something. But you'll never know how dark things are until you've been darkened a little yourself.

Thought Tendencies

My mind works, contrary to popular opinion, albeit in mysterious ways. I must confess that although blogging was getting a little tiresome for me it helped me sort through things going on in my head. The fact that these thoughts are displayed in a public forum should be intimidating and maybe it keeps me from beeing 100% forthright but it does keep me from bottling things up.

After I posted those comments a few weeks back I realized something. I liked it. So why haven't I blogged in so long? I wonder. I think it's because things have been going relatively well. Maybe my blog is too whiny when I read it because I used it mostly as an outlet for whining.

So to catch all 3 of my adoring readers up to speed. Here's what's going on in my life so far in OH Five.

The pistons lost game seven. This affected me. Reality check. It made me question the integrity of the NBA, television etc. My imagination runs wild. Every time one my teams went to the championship game they won. This was the first time one of my teams lost the final game. Not very often do my teams make it to the finals.

My friends, Brian and Betsy (you don't know them no matter how familiar their names are to you) are moving away from me. I went to Chicago for the weekend to see one of Betsy's art showings at a gallery there. That was great. I went with my roommate and my other friend Brian (not her boyfriend, Brian; another Brian. Black Brian). I will miss them. They mean a lot to me. But Betsy got a scholarship to attend a graduate art program in Kansas. What could she do? They have to go.

My friend and manager, Mika quit. My job is about to go through some major changes. I don't know what's going to happen. Work is in a state of upheaval. So I'm feeling a little occupationally unstable. I don't mind that people are looking for leadership from me while we are awaiting the new manager. It's the waiting that bothers me. Wondering if i will like him/her or if I should start looking for a new job.

My divorce is almost done. Whatever. Just imagine my eyes rolling in disgust. If you know me then you probably know what that looks like (reason in part for the divorce in the firstplace, likely). It's funny how cyclic things get. I won her heart rolling my eyes. I pissed her off rolling my eyes. The topic of the divorce makes me roll my eyes. It was bound to catch up with me, Dad always said.

The woman I'm currently "seeing" is from the Philippines. She lives with her grandmother here. So I've been attending functions and parties involving large numbers of Philippinos. I've learned a few words of Tagalog (Tah GAH lug) the language they speak. Its been wild. Eating Philippino food. Very good stuff. Never a dull moment. Its like munchkin land without all the candy. But the food is sooo goood. Lots of cultural differences to say the least.

I've been with my roommate for over a year now. Spiraling.

Collin is entering 3rd grade. Morgan 1st. I just bought Collin a guitar. Morgan's b'day is later this month. She will be 6. Time flies with kids.

I just got an email from Angie Ohlman. out of the blue. Cool. Hi Angie and Eric! I slept through another job interview today.

Here are the CD's that I bought this year.
American Idiot: Green Day
Make Believe: Weezer
Final Straw: Snow Patrol
Fly or Die: N.E.R.D.
Rockin the Suburbs: Ben Folds
Welcome Interstate Managers: Fountains of Wayne
The Joshua Tree: U2
The Unforgettable Fire: U2
Grace-The Legacy Edition: Jeff Buckley
Rattle & Hum: U2
Futures: Jimmy Eat World
Get Behind Me, Satan: The White Stripes
Logic Will Break Your Heart: The Stills
X&Y: Coldplay
Collide: Skillet
I am the Portuguese Blues: Starflyer 59.

I am happy with all of these purchases (some new some used).