Philosophical Masturbation

I gotta be honest with you guys. My ego really gets off on blogging. I know I'm not the only one. I'm not talking about anything perverted (but if you want to that's ok, I'll not judge you for it). I just think this is like the next best thing to sitting around in a dorm room and tossing around the bullshit. It's been a really long time since I've heard such carefully crafted nonsense. I mean no disrespect. In fact, it's a compliment. I thought I was clever. I am but now i know I'm not the only one.

But one thing would get my intellectual jollies jollier. What kind of perfect world would we live in if Mark Christian had a blog? That would make me happier than Flammer in a room full of action hero toys. Happier than Soullierre in a room full of code. Happier than Russell at a Benny Hinn convention. Happier than Vitz in a room full of Parapalegic Strippers.

Could someone talk to him? Does he already have one?

I know Black People.

David Chappelle has a hillarious show on Comedy Central. It pushes the envelope, scathing everyone they talk about. Pounding on the egg shells of racial issues week after week. I love it because it exploits all of the cultural taboos that we have regarding race issues. One week someone told Dave that the show was offensive to black people (mostly because of his habit of over-using the word "nigger"). His problem with the comment is that it was made by a white person. So he set up a game show called "I know black people" cuz some people just know. Working near Detroit, in a mall in the large company that i work for, I've made some good friends who are black (and I'm pretty sure they like being called black rather than African American for the time being). Now I'm the white guy who says, "I'm not racist. Some of my best friends are black." Beiing the white boy I am from Sticksville the only real contact with black people I had was in my brief period at Pizza Hut and my next door neighbors in college who were escorted off the school premises.
Being the total nerd that I am, viewing myself as some sort of ambassador to black culture, I have been reading books and watching movies exploring black culture and history. I'm like a regular Marco Polo (only he was Italian, went to China, and stole all kinds of merchandise). Recently my friend, Iesha, asked me to make a cd for her with some songs by artists I had barely heard of (but i had by this point after talking to a few of my other friends). Artists like R. Kelly (the child molester videographer). It also turns out he's a Christian. What do you do with that? I guess he is another brother with issues.
Why did it take finding out he's a Christian for me to have compassion for him? A blog for another day.
Anyway R. Kelly, Mary J. Blige, Erykah Badu, Floetry, D'Angelo, Beyonce, Kina, Alicia Keys, (I swear it sounds like im speaking a foreign language when I say those names). Anyway I made the CD and found myself liking it. (shh-dont tell. someone might find out). I was driving over here this morning and was listening to the R. Kelly Song, "You Saved Me" and broke down. Russell, if you are reading find that song. You'll love it. It reminded me of you.
It's funny how God will find you sometimes. Another blog subject altogether.
Back to Black people. I feel like most of my beliefs about "those people" were myths (as cultured and educated as I was). I recommend the movie Antwone Fisher. My black friends make fun of me because of how white I am and that's fine. I think they like me because I dont pretend to be black or know black things. I'm just me. And still friends. My friend, Brian, calls himself "Token" at work, like the kid from "south park", because he's our token black friend, like a show on the WB. Anyway. Just thought I'd share something a little lighter (or darker?)

And now for something completely different...

Ok stop.
Stop what you are doing. Stop blogging. Its turning into a fiasco. Its like slow chatting. Email is easier and less publically humiliating. By publically humiliating I mean, less likely to embarrass yourself one year from now if you reread what you wrote today. I mean less likely to sound like a cross between Jerry Falwell and Gomer Pyle. Less likely to sound like a spokesperson for the Hillsboro Family Camp. Less likely to sound like a whiney assed fired minister (me- imagine that- fired. Usuallyy ministers only get fired for sins like cheating or molesting, or ineffective work. I was fired because I was lousy at my job.) I like blogging for the same reason i like chatting and email. It gives you courage to say the things in public you normally would have the balls to say to someone's face. It makes the judgmental more judgmental. It makes the liberal more liberal. It makes the incoherent even more unchoherincibileness. It makes Tom look like a genius. It makes me want to know Regen, Ben, Bob, and Russell Better. No matter how flippin weird you all sound sometimes. It makes me want to give the real church the benefit of the doubt. I now believe that the treatment i received, albeit common among many, need not be the final litmus for all church experiences. I realize that for many the church has been a haven of hope and rest and community. Just because I havent seen it, doesnt mean it doesnt exist, no matter how many ignorant fools try to convince me otherwise by writing preachy blogs to other christians in the false name of exhortation. Its not exhortation. Its argument. Its not encouragement. Its belittlement. Its not Biblical or loving or even correct. Sometimes I assume people know better. I can't assume that everyone had the same education that I did. Something I do know. Passion and conviction mean nothing when your information is incorrect. Truth is truth. Not necessarily the truth you believe is the truth. Sometimes the truth is more true than the truth you believe to be true. Usually it is. Being fallen (that would be all of us), casting judgments on a brother for making an exhortation (serve others...feeed my sheep, etc.) is among the most stupid things I can possibly think of. Now. That is judgment. IF anyone knows how to judge, its me. I am the best damn judge in this blog sport. I can point out stupid anywhere. Do not argue with me. That is stupid. There is another judgment. Do not use scripture to refute me. It will do you no good. Gods Word when used incorrectly cannot harm me, even if it is Gods word. You use it incorrectly, and it has no power. Doy. or no doy. that is the question.

If i offended you that's ok. You'll get over it. God loves you and the words I say cannot harm you. You have a Spiritual Hedge of Protection (God likes to use firey shrubbery in defensive issues, its more Mosaic).

Tattered.

Look at that word, tattered. It's a very descriptive word. You hear it, and you see wear and tear. You see weatherstains and mold. Tattered. It's a word used to describe a jacket that's been worn for too long. It's the backpack that you refused to retire four years too late. It's Brett Favre's tired career. It's a word we like to use of things that are no longer useful. It's a word we use for things that are so completely over-used beyond their expected time and abilities. It's not a word we like to think of in relationship to ourselves. When something is tattered, we change it. When something is tattered, we throw it away. With that out of the way, a friend of mine who doesn't mince words or sugarcoat truths told me, "Brandon, you're so tattered." in the context of the surprising (albeit sometimes shocking to the innocent and naive) things that come out of my mouth. He was speaking in reference to some of the brasher truths I had revealed to him about faith, the ministry, and the church. He asked me if I thought it was dangerous to be so care-free. For, to him, the things I say and said to him were deep, profound, terrifying and not-so-happy-go-lucky. He believed I should have said them with more seriousness, gravity, and care for the response of the listener. I flatly (and maybe this was the point he was getting at) told him that after everything I've seen and experienced (and, mind you, I'm not even quite thirty yet, so i have lots more to see and do hopefully) do not fear the things I used to fear. Almost every one of my deepest darkest fears have come true. What I feared when I was 23 has come true. So I went through it. I no longer fear that occuring because it already has. My wife left me. (ouch). My brother Jason died (big ouch). I was derailed in my ministry because of my family problems (an ouch I can live with). My brother (the dead one) was bisexual, and people found out (at the time it was a big ouch). My wife started dating other people (ouch). My son has a congenital and uncurable illness (ouch). My mom and dad nearly divorced over unfaithfulness (ouch). My mom got cancer (ouch). Now most Christians don't know how to talk to me anymore (again ouch). You go through this. I am not afraid of these things happening to me anymore. I've been through it and survived. So I guess that maybe has hardened me a little. I don't think too much. If anything, I feel what others are going through even more than I used to, because now I KNOW. I relive those feelings when I hear of other people experiencing them. But I am not in a place yet where I feel that being trepid or cautious about my feelings or how I express them matters much. If anything I've lost my patience for people who pussyfoot around issues. I lost my patience for people who hint at truth or allude to it, or manipulate it. You thought I was weird before. Ask Tom Flammer. The dude would tell you I'm so angry and jaded (or tattered even - no it wasn't him to called me that). I don't think I really am that angry. I AM impatient. I AM intolerant of facetiousness. I am intolerant of ignorance, naivite, and the inexperienced. I am intolerant of people who deny their experiences because they don't line up with what they were told about Scripture. I'll tell you something. My experience did not change the Word of God. But, my experience has changed how I understand it. I am in a bind. I do not relate well to the Christians who are older than me. Even though they are experienced, they do not (for the most part) interpret their experiences the same way. In real life, I find that younger people (mostly people younger than me) appreciate my perspective better than most other groups of people. However, most of the younger set are so naive and inexperienced that I find that most of what I say can be chalked up to entertainment value because the stories keep them gripped, at the edges of their seats, but don't really mean a whole lot to them, and many times, discourage them from trying things that need to be tried because of their fears of failing like I did. So, enough about me. How are you doing?