I've been wanting to write but I have been having a hard time being honest, so I just haven't posted. The intent for this blog was to be honest. I have been trying not to cheat the readers. So I have the nerve to talk about what I've been meaning to talk about today.

Today's subject: Broken Heart.

I've been really down the last couple of weeks or so. I've been missing the nice parts of being married and in a relationship with a woman. I miss sex. I miss comfort and friendship. I miss it all because I keep reminding myself of how great it was. I miss Jodi a lot, but that's not the point of this blog.

I miss my friend. Since Jodi and I split up I had started a passive dating relationship with another woman. It went on and off for a few months. It was never serious. It was just a great friendship that filled the void I had for a while. In retrospect, I guess if I were to label it, it would be the REBOUND.

I knew the whole time that it was doomed. But I wanted something so bad and desperately (and no it wasn't about sex) that I just let it happen. I wanted to be loved and I wanted to love. I told myself to not get involved. Not to feel. Not to experience that pain again. It was too soon.

I couldnt help myself. I could seriously just have been friends with this woman. She is still my friend, but not the way I had intended. So I'm a little disappointed.

As I said it was passive, and not too serious. She was seeing other people and I was intending to, but it never happened. I got attached. Now that I think about it, I was more attached to the idea of her than her. There were many exciting aspects to being this woman's friend. She was smart, beautiful, funny, and so different from anyone I had ever dated before. We got noticed wherever we went. People always stared and pointed. It was shocking. The whole interracial thing was something new and novel. But in the end, she chose another man over me.

Not a hard thing to do. I mean, come on! Look at Me! So I am determined to chill out for a while. Get by with a little help with my friends. (are you out there?)

I promise, lighter subjects are gonna follow. I am thinking of starting a new blog reviewing music. Not to end this one but a separate entity altogether. let me know what you think.