I think I'm ready. Just when I think I'm ready, I have an epiphany. When I have an epiphany, i freak out. I'm not ready. Then I realize, I can't ever really be ready. I just need to do it.
I watched the movie, Adaptation yesterday. How amazing! I learned so much about life and myself from this movie. Watch it.
The character, Charlie Kauffman, has so many things in common with me it's scary. Mostly the things that keeps him from being happy and enjoying his life. His twin brother, Don is the character I wish that I was. I could see both sides of myself in these two characters.
Charlie was insecure, never sure of himself, always second-guessing, making sure his appearance was acceptable and good. He was always afraid of what people thought about him. Donald was a goof-ball, happy-go lucky sort who always had a smile and success came easily to him because he was so likable, even if people were laughing at him and not with him.
One thing Donald said was amazing though. He said that he was who he was because of who he loved, not because of who loved him. He owned his love. He didn't wait for people to love him first in order to love them. WOW! To a self-absorbed egomaniac like me, those words have a clanging power to them.
I can see how many friendships I've lost, how many interesting things I've passed, How many great experiences and opportunities I've missed because I was waiting for something like that to happen, instead of making it happen.
Charlie wondered why Donald would put himself out there so much. Didn't he fear looking stupid? What if people rejected him? Then what? Donald just said that those people had no right to take his love away from him. It was his to give. You see, its these things that so many people take for granted about love that Brandon tends to overlook.
I find myself in both characters. Some days I'm Charlie. Some days I'm Donald. I like myself more as Donald, but the cynical Brandon/Charlie is the dominant character.
Being elitist and intellectually superior has its moments, to be sure. There is definitely something satisfying in thinking that I'm better than other people. It's always come easy to me. But, On the other hand, my biggest fear is people thinking that I'm stupid. That is so paralyzing. It's lonely and being enigmatic is a cover for fear of being criticized.
It was amazing how cool this movie was. I liked it more than Being John Malkovich (I really liked that one too).
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Also an excellent Kauffman
Haven't seen Adaptation. Loved Being John M.
Bunce, Male variety
I loved Eternal Sunshine. What I liked about Adaptation was that it was a departure. It was actually a plausable plot. Sort of.
hey. watched adaptation again last weekend. enjoyed it more the second time. interested to get your take on it.
i've blogged on it twice. the duality of the character is intriuging as well as close to the mark in my life. why do we hold ourselves back? a talk we can have at a later date.
a
Post a Comment