Used

Ok, So I have this roommate. I love her as a dear friend. She is funny, creative, intelligent, and insecure in a humorous way. We are good friends and we talk a lot etc. Her boyfriend and I are really close friends, so don't even get any wild ideas.

One of the things I like about her is that she is sympathetic to my beliefs, and sensitive to what people say about Christians. She went through a phase of her life where she was born again and looks back on her early days in Christianity with fondness. I do not know about what kind of role Christ plays in her life now, but I know she believes.

Last night her little sister came over. To set this up, she is always going on about how every guy who wants to meet her little sister wants to have sex with her. She was really insistent that if I saw her sister in person, that I would want to seducer her and sleep with her. I maintained that would be a wild challenge that I would be open to facing (please, if you take that the wrong way, I will laugh at you).

So the sister comes over. She looks remarkably like her sister (my roommate) only dolled up a little more to appear more attractive. However, the powers that be (male hormones specifically) did not deem it necessary for me to be attracted to this girl. Her friend, however.... blog topic for another day.

The younger sister that I was supposed to be attracted to was telling a story about her 2 brothers, whom we will call brother A and brother B. Brother A had recently been given a Bible and was reading it. He was looking for God. In some of his reading, he found something waking up inside him. He confronted brother B while brother B was high on marijuana and told him that what he was doing was wrong. Brother B, in his state, found that to be hillarious.

Little sister thought that it was so funny that her older brother A had become "A Bible Freak". My roommate hates when people talk negatively about people's religious beliefs. To try to shuth her sister up and quiet her rampage against "Bible Freaks" she points to me and says, "Hold on, he's a Bible freak."

I was really conflicted on how to feel about that response, and how I should have responded. My roommate I know was not trying to insult me. She was trying to shame her sister about using that kind of terminology about her brother and in front of me.

I waved, fake smile in full force.

I felt used or violated for her doing that without my permission. I know she meant no malice. It just was weird. "Hi, I'm Brandon, your sister's Bible freak roommate."

I was never comfortable with the word "freak". When DC talk created all that hype about being a Jesus Freak, I didn't get on that bandwagon. I always figured that if I was going to be a freak, that would be my option. You don't have to be freakishly weird to love God. I still maintain that.

I also couldn't tell which bothered me more. Being called a freak by my friend or being called a freak in such a negative way in front of her attractive friend. Now the little sister was obnoxious, self-centered, and loud. Her friend was cute, and mild-mannered. A little more mature and wiser. Being called a freak in front of her obviously had negative results in any sort of impression I was trying to make.

Am I ashamed of the Gospel? No. Am I ashamed of the word, "freak"? Yes.

Later, my roommate apologized for using me to shut her sister up. I accepted her apology. Life goes on. It was just an interesting experience. I'm sure if I examine this closer, I will find other factors that made me respond the way I did.

I know it's cool in Christian circles to be insulted for Jesus. Its a badge of honor. But in this case, I don't think of myself as a martyr for Jesus. I think I was used as a tool to shut someone up who was bothering my rooommate. Martyrdom is for real persecution.

I like my Bible. I like Jesus. But this experience made me realize a lot about what Christians celebrate as persecution. Most of what we experience is not real persecution. It's just ignorance. It's not like people are taking our homes, killing our families and feeding us to lions. It's not like we are being Crucified with Christ. We don't have to go out of our way to piss off the world.

If we are proclaiming Christ with love real persecution will visit our doorsteps. We dont have to be obnoxious, snotty, or pedantic in our approach to the world. We can be polite. We can be civil. We can be courteous and reasonable. It's ok.

Often we are so afraid of rejection and humiliation that we present ourselves defensively, with bravado, and boldness where gentleness and civility would be more appropriate. When that bravado and offensiveness is rejected, we say they are rejecting Christ, when really, they are rejecting our hypocritical methods of presenting Christ.

That's all I'm getting at.

Brandon